Change...

I know that change is good.  We stretch and grow but that growth doesn't occur without growing pains. Often times it is fear that makes change so difficult for me.  Moving into the unknown.  Then there is the grief of losing what you once knew.

Kylee is almost 5 years old.  In the fall she will start school and I am grappling with all the change that it will mean for us.  I am grieving the fact that my baby girl isn't a baby.  I am grieving the fact that she won't be home with me all day every day.  I have to share her.  Yet, I rejoice in all that she is experiencing as a big girl.  I am excited for all that she will be experiencing as she starts school.  The other day in the car I told her Nanny that I was thinking of taking the kids to the P-O-O-L.  Kylee who is in the back seat said to Jude, "Jude! Mommy is thinking of taking us to the pool!" Really? I can't spell things out anymore? And yet I was filled with such joy and pride with her new abilities.  She just never ceases to amaze me.

Change.  I admit I don't want things to stay the same way forever.  Each new phase with her as been wonderful...some more challenging than others, but she is my first born. My baby girl.  And I just feel like it is all going by me too quickly.  I am so overwhelmed with gratefulness that the Lord blessed me with such an amazing, beautiful daughter.

To find out...

Deciding to find out what the gender of this sweet little one growing inside of me proved to be difficult for this mama.  In the words of a very wise woman, "it's kind of like peaking at your presents before Christmas."  With both Kylee and Jude we didn't find out until the day they were born and I LOVED that moment.  It was all wrapped up in the incredible moment of holding them in my arms for the first time and truly, those are two of the sweetest moments of my life.  Aside from realizing God loves me and kissing my husband for the first time as Mrs. Tara Fletcher, I have known nothing sweeter, nothing more incredible on this earth.
I know the moment this precious boy is placed into my arms it will be added to that list of the sweetest moments in my life regardless of the fact that we already know his gender.  The day of the ultrasound was...how to put it? Surreal I think.  I was most excited to see this little one. To see the heart beating.  To see all the right parts in the right places.  To marvel at God's awesomeness, the little person growing inside of me.  I never did get overly anxious or excited to find out the gender and yet when it became obvious that our little one was a boy excitement filled my heart.  There was an increase to the connection that I feel with him.   Gender specific dreams have filled my heart for him.  My prayers for him are more specific.  It is incredible really.  I had no idea that it would feel like this.  So there you have it...we are having a boy and I am thrilled to know that he is a he.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him- 
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of power, 
the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord- 
and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.
He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes;
or decide by what he hears with his ears;
but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his
waist. Isaiah 11:2-5